The Fizzling Friendship Flame

Some friendships are so effortless and deep-rooted in commonalities that you can go months without seeing or talking to the person, then start right where you left off when you see them again.

Others are a constant – you talk almost every day and know almost everything about the person.

But what happens when the distance does take a toll? When you lose those things you once had in common, whether it was a lust for club-hopping or a passion for Wes Anderson movies? 

These differences can cause the slow fade of a friendship that once was strong as steel. Or a major discrepancy like boyfriend-stealing or drug-using can extinguish that flame of friendship in one spray. 

The heartache of losing friendships can be just as painful as losing lovers. Sometimes, the slow loss – the widening gap between text messages, the waning desire to hang out – is a more drawn-out, difficult death of friendship than a sudden irreconcilable difference. 

Sometimes it’s really hard to accept that you two just aren’t helping each other grow any more. You’ve taken different paths in life that won’t intercept again. You can try and try to get back to the place you used to be, that time of jokes and mayhem and constant good times, but you might never be able to find it.

Though the loss takes a toll, these people we encounter and form friendships with will always have a piece of us, and us a piece of them. The lessons learned – how to be loyal, how to listen, how to let go when it’s time – those lessons will always stick with us. 

And the nostalgia for the old friendships will always remain, too. I still feel a twinge of sadness when I see an old photo of a friend I no longer talk to, or hear that song we used to sing at the top of our lungs to.

It’s not easy, but it’s best to remember the relationship for the greatness it once had, rather than the distant melancholy now. Those lessons learned and great times spent should be the parts we remember. 

 

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